We Are Masters of Our Inner Life

A toxic family cult is all about controlling what they can see on the outside. Though they claim to know our thoughts and wishes better than we do, though they claim “We know what’s best for you,” don’t believe them. They absolutely do not! Members of the controlling, manipulative, toxic ranks can not possibly get access to our deep and rich inner life. This must drive them nuts.

One thing they study is what shows on our face, then they make a judgment. We understand their razor-sharp observations–they immediately correct us when they see us tilt our head a certain way, when an imagined look of disagreement shows in our eye, when there is a perceived doubtful position of our mouth. They zero in, controlling how we behave, how we look, where we go, our associations outside the family. Their placing ridiculous requirements upon us causes us to subvert our truest feelings. So, we pretend. We become superb actors on the narcissistic stage, scrupulously following a nonsensical script forced into our hands. This is not the "production" we wanted to be in, but here we are following the narcissistic family cult's script.

We all should get an Academy award for all the method acting we performed.

If the narcissists didn’t like what they saw, we were punished, shunned, and retrained so that we would be reminded that any deviation from their toxic script would spell misery for us in the form of punishment. For what scant privileges we had, they were taken away. So, we were compliant, we bent, we submitted. Outwardly, that is.

Unquestioning obedience, even after we grow up, even when we have kids of our own, is super important to the toxic family cult, making unquestioning obedience to the narcissistic family ways equally important to you, if you are still in it. They want us to think that, without our obedience and under their directives, we may not survive, it’s that simple. In truth, they must wish so hard they could actually see what we are thinking so that they could snuff that part of us out, too.

They try. Or they tried, depending on which stage of detachment you are currently in. But the narcissistic family cult will never get to that part of you which you hid for so long. Somehow, you managed to stay intact mentally, emotionally and psychologically and they ever could reach that inner, most precious part of you, the truest you there is, your treasure.

Remember, we are the masters of our inner life and no one can touch it without our permission. Narcissistic family members may do what they will to keep us in their dangerous and mentally destabilizing group so that we begin to think like them, but we can, in our deep-down heart, say, “No!” Only we can determine our what our will is, and where our ultimate direction to be and, once we do figure it out, we can set the wheels in motion to get out. Because we are masters of our inner life.